One (small) Dream Comes True

By AC

Mar

Okay, so it’s not The Big Dream–or really, the First Phase of the Big Dream–that’s come true, but rather a Smaller Dream that I’ve mentioned here on the blog before: I’m getting published in a magazine! It’s only a small article about baking soda appearing in Dollar Stretcher Magazine, but yay! I’m getting into magazines, which was what I wanted to do for a while now. I don’t know at this point (I just got a full time job!) how much freelance writing I’ll be doing in the next couple months, but I’m psyched that I have a magazine credit to my name.

WHOO!

I definitely think that the universe likes to chuckle at my plans. Just when I’m in a position to get OUT of freelance writing is when I’ve had the success I’ve really been waiting for. Still, I’m pretty excited to move into a full time job and just be set for a while, not scrounge to pay bills and really stress about finding work and keeping work and all this craziness. I want steady and I want security–well, at least for now! I’m enough of a water sign to know that very little in this life is really secure, but you just have to ride the tide and see where it bears you.

Here’s to riding the tide.

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2009: Trial By Fire

By AC

Dec

So, in many ways, 2009 really really sucked. In 2008, I felt I really worked hard, and at the end of it I was faced with a tough decision: tough it out in Scotland, despite knowing that my money was gone and if I didn’t get a job, the choice would be made anyway, or come home and take responsibility for myself, and have the Lap Band surgery to get my diabetes and weight on track and under control.

Obviously I chose the latter, but it sucked. It sucked that I felt like my Scotland experiment had failed miserably and I couldn’t make it work, and it sucked admitting to myself that I had a serious problem with both my weight and diabetes. It really sucked. And then I moved home, and freelance writing started to fail me; I’ve had serious money problems all year (hasn’t everyone?) and then I started working at a retail job that I don’t love. The road to the Lap Band took so much longer than I thought it would, but it did happen, and once it did, it’s only right now that I’ve been feeling good about it. It has sucked up to this point. It’s been frustrating, awkward, painful.

I’ve been lonely this year, and raw. I feel like I’ve been torn up, torn open, finally facing all of this awful weight stuff, and it’s been really tough. Writing about this stuff for the web has been difficult and cathartic; it’s tough to face down your issues and do it in front of a live audience.

But the past few weeks, it’s definitely felt like this has all been for something, and I hope, as I do every year, that next year is the one where I gain traction. I just want to move forward. I feel like this year, more so than 2008, I really understood what hard work meant, and how much more intense, frustrating and ultimately rewarding it is when it’s so deeply personal. I got my blood sugar (somewhat temporarily) under control, I have lost a total of 40 pounds (more like forty five by my home scale, but I’m trying to go with the doctor’s scale), and I did squeak a completed novel in under the wire.

So this last week or so has been a tremdendous week, and it does mean that I’ll be starting 2010 on a positive note, but this year has been toooough. Definitely the year of trial by fire. How was your year?

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Score One for Positivity!

By AC

Oct

Well, unless all of my references totally caved on me, I’ll be starting training tomorrow night for a retail job. Woot! Which means, by the way, that I got the job I was talking about in this post. And I’ll tell you how:

1. In 4 inch Nine West heels that I previously would have told you I don’t “do”, because I’m not a heels girl.

2. In a sweater that didn’t fit me last year.

3. In a necklace I made for myself instead of standard pearls.

4. Wrapped in total positivity.

So yes, it’s not exactly a fortune five hundred job, but it’s a job that I went out for, interviewed for, and rocked that interview–like best interview I’ve ever had kind of rocked it. She hired me on the spot!

So what does this mean? Maybe I should be rocking some extra positivity–not because I think that positivity naturally begets positive results (it might, though) but because I am positive. That’s who I am, that’s what I do. And frankly, I think the best way to get what you want (and not get hopelessly confused in the process) is to be your damn self.

I’ll let you know how adventures in retail go. I’m starting part time, so I’ll still be freelancing for a while (if not forever, let’s be honest). What I’m really excited about, however, is with a little extra cash, I’m going to start concentrating my freelancing efforts on the things I really, really want to do–like write for magazines!

Which, in a funny way, kind of feels like a birthday present to myself. What a better way to turn 25 than to really concentrate on achieving exactly what I want to achieve?

Also This Week:

Check out my new post “Taking Off My Makeup” on MyBigLife.com

And the new Vlog for Adventures of a Lap Bandit

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I Used to Be JobDrunk

By AC

Sep

Okay, that title doesn’t make much sense, but I have that “I used to be love drunk” song stuck in my head and the feeling pretty much describes how I’m feeling now.

I’m sick of freelancing because of its lack of any kind of security, terrible pay, and for some things, I write crap. I really do. I mean, Demand Studios? How crappy can you get? Granted, I hardly ever write for them any more and when I do I feel cheap.

That’s the thing–freelancing makes me think my gifts are worth very little money. Not to be obnoxious, but I think I’m a good writer. I’ve worked very hard at it and if I wasn’t halfway decent by now, I’d have a problem. But I think it’s very tough to get paid what you’re worth in this business.

However, I’m also going through major life changes coming up, and I want that flexibility that freelancing lets me have. I can write whenever, shift things around for doctor’s appointments, and go to the gym at any time of the day.

But because of that, I’m trading in benefits like health insurance and paid sick time and vacation. I mean, for the two weeks that I won’t be working post-surgery, I’ll be making nothing. Not a dime.

All this has made me sit down and think. I’ve been perusing and occasionally applying for retail positions, with the thought that it will just be something to do. Something that gives me cash, benefits, and I can keep my writing on my dedicated time and that’s good enough.

But then I started thinking; it’s not like I’m a woman of a single passion. There are lots of things I’m passionate about. What have I wanted to do other than writing novels? Isn’t there anything I’m interested in learning about?

Of course there is! I’m interested in Public Relations jobs. I like the idea of not quite salesy marketing, but connecting people with interested parties. It feels like a good-karma kind of job. I also have wanted to write for magazines for a while now, but it keeps getting over thrown for other, more present work. So maybe I should be making more of a push to try and go for the things I like.

Or maybe I’ll just slug along, because I used to be job drunk, but now I’m hungover…

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Creativity and Stress

By AC

Sep

What a day! So I’m going a little bananas because both of my major freelancing jobs have deadlines coming up and they need more time rather than less, which is good–right? Maybe! I’m still not resolved about my money and time issues, and I’m wondering if one of my freelancing jobs isn’t worth the time I spend on it, which is sad because I enjoy the work. I don’t know, it’s all up in the air.

And complicating the matter is the fact that I’ve never felt more inspired on my various projects. Seriously! I just had the best meeting talking about songwriting and inspiration is just like sparking through my head, and I literally just want to take a week and read some books to get in the groove, and then just get in the zone and write lyrics and novels.

It makes me think that this is why people quit–not because they give up on their dreams, but because it’s like spinning a toilet paper roll and then covering where the paper comes out so the whole thing balls up and tangles and twists. If you don’t let the inspiration out steadily, it seems like the whole system might just get jammed up and freeze.

Not loving it.

Especially since due to volume of work currently, my Saturday writing day is cancelled.

Really world? Come on.

Sigh.

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My Future as a Freelancer

By AC

Sep

Freelance writing is something I’ve struggled with for a while now. On the upside, the hours are unbeatable, and you can write when you feel like writing. On the downside, the pay is terrible. Abysmal. And it’s all before taxes, which is even worse. And there’s no such thing as a vacation. And there’s not enough money in it for a real vacation.

Coming up in November, I turn 25 and lose my health care that’s part of a family plan (because I needed another reason to celebrate the milestone). I need to start paying several hundred dollars a month for health insurance (at least two hundred, more depending on what I need once I look at everything with a diabetic’s concerns in mind), and as it stands, freelancing just won’t cover it. Not without living paycheck to crappy paycheck (while living AT HOME with virtually NO BILLS).

In short, I need to make more money. Which does kind of suck, because all in all, I like setting my own schedule, I like sleeping in when I feel like sleeping in, and working til midnight when I just couldn’t get it done during the day. But to be honest, I need a change. And I need healthcare.

So my life as a freelancer is seriously threatened; now, this doesn’t mean that I’ll drop the jobs I have, because I’m invested in them and I just don’t want to give up anything any time soon, but what it really means is that I don’t know what’s going to happen in the next few months, I’m a little scared, but I’m pretty resolved. My life and my finances need a big change.

So what will it be? Let’s consider:

Retail: I’ve had bad experiences, but I enjoy the “I pay you to be here, not to think” mentality. Plus it usually means my mind can be elsewhere. Which is good.

Admin: Despite working in a bank and in a law office, Administrative jobs seem to to think I’m not qualified to assist them. I’ve never had much luck in this field.

Food Service: I have no experience whatsoever. Is that a problem?

Data Entry: Kill me. Both my mind and time are occupied. Pass.

Per friend suggestion:

Smuggler: Would depend on what’s being smuggled, but I think I’d be very good at it. Hopefully it’s 1660 and we’re smuggling rum….or haunted rubies, I could do those too. Or Johnny Depp.

Any other suggestions?

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A Freelance Vacation Test

By AC

Aug

So this weekend, I’m in Philadelphia with my mother to drop my little brother, the baby of the family, off at school for his senior year. It’s a six hour drive down, a six hour ride back, and needless to say, not much stuff will be accomplished on either driving day or the day wedged in between.

Coming into this weekend, I’ve had about 6-8 hours of work that needed to be done, after working all week to get some stuff set aside. 6-8 wasn’t bad at all; my mother goes to sleep early, and I figured I could get some late night writing in.

However, it’s not always so smooth.

1. It’s blisteringly hot and humid here, which strangles both energy and creativity out of me. I’ve been exhausted this whole weekend.

2. At my hotel, a Hilton (!), I had to pay $10 a day for internet, which I know isn’t that bad, but $20 for the weekend is a lot. Also, it cuts into my profit margin to start with and makes me want to work less.

3. There’s not a lot of time. There’s really not. Trying to work while you’re having “family time” while trying not to let your family know that you’re trying to work while you’re having “family time” is pretty hard to squeeze in.

These three facts lead me to believe that the freelancer’s vacation does not exist. As I discussed prior to this in the Myth of the Freelance Vacation, I want to believe in it, but so far all indications point to the contrary. And my Philadelphia weekend certainly isn’t helping matters any.

Thoughts?

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The Myth of the Freelance Vacation

By AC

Aug

So here’s my question: if you’re a freelancer, can you ever get a vacation?

It seems like the answer is a resounding no. From Wednesday to Friday we went on vacation as a family, and I spent half of every day at the hotel working and writing, and then took my books for research with me for the other half. So really, it felt like I was working most of the time, and at the end of it, i was still behind on my workload, hours, and personal writing.

It was wonderful to get away. As I mentioned before, I desperately needed it, and I got in touch with some serious inspiration, which I really was really lacking, so in a lot of ways it hit the spot. It was perfect; the perfect place, the perfect time and the perfect amount of time.

However, in October, I’m going to be taking more time off, both for vacations (some of my Scotland friends will be around the country!) and for some personal stuff, and I’m kind of scared to think about it. Especially if I’m going places where I can’t be connected to the internet or really can’t do work for whatever reason, what on earth do I do then? Give up the pay? I don’t make enough money to be able to do that. So how on earth do I manage that?

So, in essence, I’ll have to save not only enough to pay for the vacation itself, but also to cover the money I WOULD be making if I were actually working. I don’t think I make enough money to do that in the near future, so how do freelancers manage taking a vacation?

Well, maybe the hard answer is, for right now, they don’t (I don’t, at least). At least not without eating the deficit on my credit card.

Unless anyone else has thoughts?

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