Sep

21

Okay, that title doesn’t make much sense, but I have that “I used to be love drunk” song stuck in my head and the feeling pretty much describes how I’m feeling now.

I’m sick of freelancing because of its lack of any kind of security, terrible pay, and for some things, I write crap.  I really do.  I mean, Demand Studios?  How crappy can you get?  Granted, I hardly ever write for them any more and when I do I feel cheap.

That’s the thing–freelancing makes me think my gifts are worth very little money.  Not to be obnoxious, but I think I’m a good writer.  I’ve worked very hard at it and if I wasn’t halfway decent by now, I’d have a problem.  But I think it’s very tough to get paid what you’re worth in this business.

However, I’m also going through major life changes coming up, and I want that flexibility that freelancing lets me have.  I can write whenever, shift things around for doctor’s appointments, and go to the gym at any time of the day.

But because of that, I’m trading in benefits like health insurance and paid sick time and vacation.  I mean, for the two weeks that I won’t be working post-surgery, I’ll be making nothing.  Not a dime.

All this has made me sit down and think.  I’ve been perusing and occasionally applying for retail positions, with the thought that it will just be something to do.  Something that gives me cash, benefits, and I can keep my writing on my dedicated time and that’s good enough.

But then I started thinking; it’s not like I’m a woman of a single passion.  There are lots of things I’m passionate about.  What have I wanted to do other than writing novels?  Isn’t there anything I’m interested in learning about?

Of course there is!  I’m interested in Public Relations jobs.  I like the idea of not quite salesy marketing, but connecting people with interested parties.  It feels like a good-karma kind of job.  I also have wanted to write for magazines for a while now, but it keeps getting over thrown for other, more present work.  So maybe I should be making more of a push to try and go for the things I like.

Or maybe I’ll just slug along, because I used to be job drunk, but now I’m hungover…

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Sep

16

So, I took the day off completely, after about a week or more of insanity, and I replaced all my sheets last night, fluffed my pillows, resettled my down comforter (which inevitably balls up in a corner of my bed) and settled down to rest.  My dog hopped into bed with me (and back out again later), and I slept til six am, with her yipping at me because she thought it was time to play (my mom was playing with her before work and she decided I should get in on the fun).  After that, I went back to bed, slept til nine thirty, and luxuriated in bed, catching up on some reading and not setting foot out of bed until 1145.

All I can say is aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.

I’m just taking some time to decompress.  Life has been really crazy lately, so I’m planning an actual, albeit ultra brief vacation that will coincide with my surgery recovery (if I have to sit around and do nothing I might as well do it with friends).  I have lots of work to get back to tomorrow, and in the mean time I’ve been doing a lot of work for MyBigLife.com, which you will get to see once the site goes live (it includes video blogging, which I’m still getting the hang of, so be nice!).

I just get the sense that my life, after stagnating for so long, is moving again.  It may be a fast ride, but at least it’s going somewhere.  So hang on!

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Sep

8

Freelance writing is something I’ve struggled with for a while now.  On the upside, the hours are unbeatable, and you can write when you feel like writing.  On the downside, the pay is terrible.  Abysmal.  And it’s all before taxes, which is even worse.  And there’s no such thing as a vacation.   And there’s not enough money in it for a real vacation.

Coming up in November, I turn 25 and lose my health care that’s part of a family plan (because I needed another reason to celebrate the milestone).  I need to start paying several hundred dollars a month for health insurance (at least two hundred, more depending on what I need once I look at everything with a diabetic’s concerns in mind), and as it stands, freelancing just won’t cover it.  Not without living paycheck to crappy paycheck (while living AT HOME with virtually NO BILLS).

In short, I need to make more money.  Which does kind of suck, because all in all, I like setting my own schedule, I like sleeping in when I feel like sleeping in, and working til midnight when I just couldn’t get it done during the day.  But to be honest, I need a change.  And I need healthcare.

So my life as a freelancer is seriously threatened; now, this doesn’t mean that I’ll drop the jobs I have, because I’m invested in them and I just don’t want to give up anything any time soon, but what it really means is that I don’t know what’s going to happen in the next few months, I’m a little scared, but I’m pretty resolved.  My life and my finances need a big change.

So what will it be?  Let’s consider:

Retail: I’ve had bad experiences, but I enjoy the “I pay you to be here, not to think” mentality.  Plus it usually means my mind can be elsewhere.  Which is good.

Admin: Despite working in a bank and in a law office, Administrative jobs seem to to think I’m not qualified to assist them.  I’ve never had much luck in this field.

Food Service: I have no experience whatsoever.  Is that a problem?

Data Entry: Kill me.  Both my mind and time are occupied.  Pass.

Per friend suggestion:

Smuggler: Would depend on what’s being smuggled, but I think I’d be very good at it.  Hopefully it’s 1660 and we’re smuggling rum….or haunted rubies, I could do those too.  Or Johnny Depp.

Any other suggestions?

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Aug

30

So this weekend, I’m in Philadelphia with my mother to drop my little brother, the baby of the family, off at school for his senior year.  It’s a six hour  drive down, a six hour ride back, and needless to say, not much stuff will be accomplished on either driving day or the day wedged in between.

Coming into this weekend, I’ve had about 6-8 hours of work that needed to be done, after working all week to get some stuff set aside.  6-8 wasn’t bad at all; my mother goes to sleep early, and I figured I could get some late night writing in.

However, it’s not always so smooth.

1.  It’s blisteringly hot and humid here, which strangles both energy and creativity out of me.  I’ve been exhausted this whole weekend.

2.  At my hotel, a Hilton (!), I had to pay $10 a day for internet, which I know isn’t that bad, but $20 for the weekend is a lot.  Also, it cuts into my profit margin to start with and makes me want to work less.

3.  There’s not a lot of time.  There’s really not.  Trying to work while you’re having “family time” while trying not to let your family know that you’re trying to work while you’re having “family time” is pretty hard to squeeze in.

These three facts lead me to believe that the freelancer’s vacation does not exist.  As I discussed prior to this in the Myth of the Freelance Vacation, I want to believe in it, but so far all indications point to the contrary.  And my Philadelphia weekend certainly isn’t helping matters any.

Thoughts?

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