Plotting

By AC

Aug

That sounds nefarious, doesn’t it?

I’m trying to work through a major plot point in the new story I’m writing, so any feedback I can get would be AWESOME! And if not, it helps me to think out loud(ish) anyway.

So basically, my main character is going to face some betrayal. She’s scared and unwilling to trust people, so naturally her greatest fear/weakness is being betrayed by people she cares about. But I haven’t really decided how it goes down.

Scenario 1.

Crush is the betrayer. She’s never really trusted him to start with, and this would confirm all her worst fears, and break the limb that she went out on for him. Definitely hurtful, but not much of a surprise. Also, this breaks down into subsets:

Scenario 1A

Crush is a MEAN betrayer, and he’s playing my MC. I’m not sure I like this, because I see him as much more likely to do scenario 1B.

Scenario 1B

With a smile an a shrug, crush admits, “This is who you always knew I was. Can’t help me being who i am.” and he betrays my MC in a way that’s not really MEAN. It’s just a little wicked. Of course, then there’s always….

Scenario 2.

Best friend is the betrayer. Definitely an oh-no-she-didn’t, didn’t see it coming (because I didn’t see it coming as the WRITER, and I would probably have to retool some of the story for this to work) kind of surprise. Which, hey, I like shock value. But I’m debating whether it’s too harsh–like if you don’t trust someone and then the girl who is supposed to be your best friend betrays you? Ouch.

The thing I’m hesitating on is that there is a strong kind of sisterhood theme in the story so far, and scenario 2 would kill it. But it would also establish great conflict for continuing the story later.

But it’s so MEAN.

Even as I’m writing this, that oh so famous, iconic saying is creeping into my head: kill your darlings. Oh, my poor MC, I think I’m about to break your little heart. And then have your crush steal it back

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New Websites Writers Should Hear About

By AC

Aug

While I realize I’m not the movingest, shakingest of people, I do consider myself to be perpetually curious. Especially when it comes to writing, and the ways in which writing sort of amalgamates with other things, be it linguistics, anthropology, cultural development, young people, or the internet.

It’s the latter that seems to be popping up lately. Have you heard about Open Sky? It seems to be, if it’s prevailing PR is to be believed, targeting itself toward authors and writers looking to expand and define their brand and sales base. Which is, um, awesome. The website (newly launched) isn’t nearly so specific, and seems to be a broader minded Etsy prototype.

(Love me some Etsy. Just bought these geekery items there the other day:

SO CUTE!)

Back to OpenSky. All in all, a very cool idea that will take a minute (and, you know, an actual book to sell) to see if it’s really going to have the impact that it’s hinting at. I think it has a lot of potential, though, and writers should definitely be keeping an eye on it–sites like these could make self publishing a much more viable commodity.

And, a quick word about self pubbing, I was really fascinated by MoonRat’s article (tweeted earlier this week; you should sooo follow me on Twitter), mostly because my favorite, most deeply obsessed with unreliable narrator EVER, Towner Whitney in Brunonia Barry’s THE LACE READER, was self published. I NEVER KNEW THIS! And now I wish I paid more attention to how I heard about the book in the first place.

But I didn’t.

Anyway, the other website I’m currently very curious about what it will mean for my curiosity and for the writing industry is Figment.com. This website is pretty fascinating because, while still in beta testing, it’s centered on this pop Japanese trend that has teenagers writing prose via cell phones, to be shared and distributed via cell phones. It’s like Twitter novels, except that, if the website is to be believed, it’s wildly popular. Could something like this catch on in the states? Could Figment become the new Facebook for writers? It’s totally possible, and I’m downright curious.

Also, here’s a good list of the best Creative Writing programs in the States, including PhD, which I found very useful because a CW PhD is always in the back of my mind, but there are few decent programs.

And that’s all for now. Happy Saturday. xx

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How Cool is Alyson Noel?

By AC

Jul

Alright, so I’ve avoided the paranormal craze like the plague, but I think this woman sounds like she kicks some serious ass. Some basic highlights:

Had her first book published in 2005
Since then, she’s published a whopping FOURTEEN books
She’s been published in 35 countries and has topped every bestseller list I’ve heard of
And, oh yeah, she just signed a “healthy” “multi-million” dollar book deal. FIVE YEARS after publishing her first novel!
In addition, she seems to also share my Mark Twainian philosophy of taking on every job that comes her way.
This from her website: Important lesson learned: “That it’s never too late to follow your dream, though there’s nothing wrong with getting a head start.”

My kind of girl!

Rock on Alyson, congrats on your book deal–I’m heading over to Barnes and Noble to check out your backlist!

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Awesome Books I’ve Read Lately

By AC

Jul

What, have you missed me? Well, I’ve been reading a lot this summer, and not blogging because of it, so whatever.

First, my favorite book so far this summer is Angie Frazier’s EVERLASTING. The number one surprise about this book is how HOT a guy named Oscar can be! As someone who has a serious and generations deep love for the sea, this book literally made me want to run off onto a clipper and never come back. It’s a gorgeous story about that emotional turning point you have in your teens that turns you from the person your parents want you to be to the person that is authentically you, and it’s all done against the backdrop of adventure, intrigue, magic and love. Um, what could be better? Loved it, can’t wait for the sequel. Check out the book trailer and more about Angie.

Second, I can’t believe how much in love I’ve fallen (and how quickly I’ve consumed) the Gallagher Girls series. After following Kristin Nelson for a long time (who, by the way, reps a lot of my favorite books lately), I finally rented ID TELL YOU I LOVE YOU BUT THEN ID HAVE TO KILL YOU from my library and read it (which, by the way, so epic because it’s the longest title ever!). The first book was fluff, but it’s fun fluff. The second (read just as quickly) CROSS MY HEART AND HOPE TO SPY, was still fluffy. The third, however, DONT JUDGE A GIRL BY HER COVER was where the danger got a little more real in the book, and the series genuinely grabbed me. I got ONLY THE GOOD SPY YOUNG to read on an airplane and I finished it before we touched down (and the flight was only an hour). Ally Carter, you’ve got me hooked! And this all was after reading (and not entirely liking) HEIST SOCIETY. I cannot wait to read what happens in the next book, and obviously I’m not the only one, because Ally has a very funny afterword in the book that laments how she can’t write fast enough. Get on it, Carter!

What else should I be reading, people? Always looking for an awesome new YA!

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…and then i found twenty bucks.

By AC

May

i’m tearing through this novel, mostly thanks to my current work schedule, at breakneck speed, and i’m pretty sure it actually blows.

like it’s terrible. it’s totally dry, it’s got a lot going on, a lot of weird names, and while i’m refraining from allowing more authorial voice than is truly necessary (which would, all around, make it a wreck of epic proportions), it’s reading like a montage, without emotional depth and without personal passion.

and yet, it keeps going. it’s like swallowing a quarter on a string and slowly dragging it back up.

see that? that was an IMAGE. another thing my story seems to be without. visual punch? pass. artistic flair? who needs it. so why the hell do i keep writing this?

some would say i’m delirious or just desperate to write something, and while both may be correct, it’s literally been months since something was flowing like this for me. only, last time it flowed, i was pretty sure it was genius and not utter drivel.

that’s the other thing. there really is a story here, a story about three sisters that’s pretty good, but it’s not being told correctly. yet. so maybe i need to write it all badly and then write it all better? maybe it’s better than i think it is (DOUBT IT.)?

and actually, the first chapter isn’t sucktastic at all. it’s rich and vibrant without being over the top. hm.

maybe i need to get down the whowherewhatwhywhen of the story and then make it pretty?

i’ll be honest, when it comes to inspiration, despite the fact that i do ask many questions, i almost never require an answer. i’ll keep writing until my inspiration stops abruptly and i’ll observe the carnage and try to make some sense of it all. this is kind of my philosophy on life as well, i guess: as long as you’re on a ride, keep going. stopping to make sense of it all can sometimes be beneficial, but most often just takes you away from whatever was worth being engrossed in.

i think losing yourself daily is an aim in itself.

i guess i’ll let you know what happens. lead on, capricious monkey, lead on.

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you make me feel so mean

By AC

Apr

can’t get that line of this song they play at work out of my head. anyway, are you loving my totally unrelated titles? ME TOO!

today a friend asked for book recommendations, and I went to town, so I thought i’d post it here as well.

…nourish your mind…

literary classics

wuthering heights Emily bronte

densely written, but still remains one of the most dramatic love stories in literature.

the inferno dante alighieri

alighieri’s interpretation of hell and how man moves through the circles of hell is a touch point for many common verbal references that we use in everyday speech.

the odyssey homer

Super dense, this is one of the greatest adventures ever told as we follow Odysseus on his journey from the battlefield back home

siddartha herman hesse

this philosophical, short novel about man’s journey through life helped fuel the revolution-filled days of the early seventies. must be read with an open, curious mind.

northanger abbey jane austen

her first novel, this gives jane austen more of a sense of context amongst her peers than her later work. obviously influenced by reigning gothic novels like ann radcliffe’s the italian, this more whimsical, melodramatic novel is a great primer to austen.

the count of monte cristo alexandre dumas

more relatable than his series on the musketeers, the count of monte cristo deals with powerful struggles through punishment and forgiveness, revenge and fate without losing sight of adventure, action and romance. one of my favorites of all time.

tale of two cities charles dickens

designed to taunt the reader in weekly installments (dickens’ novels were published chapter by chapter in london newspapers), this book reflects on this tumultuous time caught between war and strife and has one of the most memorable endings ever in a novel.

i know why the caged bird sings maya angelou

it is no coincidence that this woman went on to become a poet laureate; her unflinching examination of her own incredibly difficult childhood is related with honesty and a lyrical sense of prose. really sad and slightly triumphant, but an amazing narrative.

ethan frome edith wharton

sometimes I think I’m the only person who genuinely likes this novel, but its portrayal of choice and consequence and unfulfilled desire against a stark new England novel is so beautiful.

the crucible arthur miller

meant as an allegorical warning about huac (house un-american activities committee) during the sixties, the crucible triumphs as a novel about the power of mass hysteria and the awful vengeance of a woman scorned in 1600s salem, ma.

the great gatsby f. scott fitzgerald

celebrating the iconic American struggle between “old money” and “new money”, laced with unfulfilled desires and haunted with frustrated dreams, this is a stunning novel and a beloved American classic.

the fountainhead ayn rand

This is a dense book, but well worth the effort. howard, the architect who is young, idealistic, and violently uncompromising, is heroic in his efforts to achieve his dreams, but not at any cost.

a separate peace john knowles

this is a great book set at a new england boarding school and told through flashbacks; at the onset of the novel you know something terrible happened a long time ago, but not what it is. a coming of age story with male protagonists.

lord of the flies william golding

this psychological experiment of a novel explores what life would be like if a bunch of boys got dumped on an island together and had to fend for themselves. it’s a little crazy, but it’s a great book.

in cold blood truman capote

This book is incredible because of what it isn’t. it’s never what you want it to be, expect it to be, or need it to be. it’s not fiction, but its not journalism. it’s not easy to digest, because it’s the story of the author’s developing friendship and resulting sympathy for a man who, with his partner, slaughtered a family without much reason. it’s chilling but it’s a feat of literature because it toys with your sympathy and who you think is truly to blame.

the name of the rose umberto eco

this is one of the most complicated, confusing novels I’ve ever read, but going along for the ride is a complete mystery and the ultimate homage to books and reading.

the red tent anita diamant

this tale of biblical womanhood puts into context the feminine mystery and our current stature as free, capable women. the women who have come before us are strong, motherly, and powerful and this book shows them beautifully.

…imagine freely…

notable young adult novels

ella enchanted gail carson levine

this feisty reimagining of cinderella remains today one of my favorite stories. ella is no wilting maiden in this one, but she misses her mother and isn’t sure of her place in the world.

the book thief markus zusak

this book will haunt you for the rest of your life. one of the most impressive literary feats I’ve ever read, this chronicles world war two from the point of view of death as he brushes past the book thief on several occasions.

the disreputable history of frankie landau banks e. lockhart

this novel felt extraordinary to me because it was so funny and incisive and yet so familiar—how do teenage girls empower themselves as women and still have boyfriends and social lives? and, oh yeah, how does one girl topple a secret society?

The catcher in the rye jd salinger

this was an almost genre-less novel at the time, and helped start america thinking about the difference between ya and adult fiction. it’s about a disillusioned youth searching for his place.

a great and terrible beauty libba bray

This book is about four girls at a finishing school that discover a magical world outside their own, but what makes the book truly magical is that their contemporaneous issues feel so real, from struggling with family to trying to determine a way to assess your self worth. and the magic part is way fun too.

inkheart cornelia funke

this is a gorgeous book about a father who can—but refuses to—talk storybook characters to life by reading them aloud. It’s been translated from german, so I don’t know if its due to the translator or if there is a natural richness to the language, but its incredibly well written.

city of bones cassandra clare

jace, the main male protagonist/love interest, is uber hot. The story about demon-fighting angels is pretty cool too, but mainly jace is hot.

the golden compass philip pullman

the first installment in an incredible, mind blowing trilogy, the golden compass follows lyra through an alternate oxford, england, where everyone’s soul is attached to them in the form of a animal and there are incredibly dark forces at work.

howl’s moving castle diana wynne jones

a fairytale with a tongue in cheek attitude where nothing is ever as it seems. howl is a wizard that eats young girl’s hearts and sophie is a forgotten older sister that gets cursed into an old woman. fun, magical romp.

all american girl meg cabot

meg cabot is one of my favorite authors, and this book clearly shows why—she’s unapologetically fun, incredibly endearing, and insanely relatable. when you read the book it sounds like a conversation you’ve had inside your head—just infinitely cooler and more interesting.

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I Can’t Go On; I’ll Go On

By AC

Apr

So yeah, I watched BandSlam. One of my friends told me it was stupid good, and aside from dubious female casting (really, Vanessa Hudgens? The Aly and AJ chick was way better, but I thought she was Ashley Tisdale until I looked at IMDB), I’d even leave off the stupid and just call it good. To the point that I did a little “NO WAY!” when David Bowie shows up at the end.

And it was immediately followed by a sharp inhale. Not in a gaspy sort of way, but in that way that I’m kind of getting used to–the “what if all MY dreams don’t work out as perfectly as this? And to wit, why hasn’t it happened yet? Does that mean it’s never GOING to happen?” way. (I know, that’s kind of a loaded inhalation).

I’m going on a month-ish since the novel was sent out to publishers, and there hasn’t been much response. My agent tells me this is progressing perfectly, and I fully believe her; what can I say, I’m given to outlandish fantasies, from imagining all my dreams coming true to imagining them all going up in flames–and yes, I treat both imposters just the same.

Part of me feels like this is the competition, the make or break situation of epic proportions, and then part of me goes, “Well what will it change? If I don’t get published right now, who cares?” I know I’m not giving up soon.

But lately this third little voice has crept in: what if I get the contract, get published, and it’s lame? Maybe I’m like every author out there, but I believe that I’m a good writer and people will buy the book if I can just get it to them. I even go so far as to think a publisher, once they give it an honest chance, will want to pay a decent amount of money for it. Not enough for me to be supported solely as a writer for a while, but enough so that (let’s be honest) my family will be impressed and acknowledge this is actually a career.

Not that they DONT, it’s just that I don’t think they think there is money in it, and I do. I think I care about the quality of what I’m producing and that will be represented in dollar signs.

But what if it doesn’t? I mean, what if I get published, and it’s not the way I anticipated? What if I get bought for a small advance and relatively limited distribution–ie, I get my dream, but not the way I pictured it/planned?

Does that matter?

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I Think I’m Missing Something

By AC

Apr

No, I know I am. Or rather, I’m on the verge of a massive novel breakthrough. Something that’s a progression of Scarlet and a natural product of the environment I’m working in, and also yet a continuation of one of my greatest intellectual curiosities.

So I’m going to talk it out, bitches.

One of the things that I was testing out with Scarlet was the idea of creating character through language. Essentially, the way we speak defines us because it instantly expresses our culture, typically our socio-economic background, the references we find important and our touch points for “good” and “bad”. Writers have long been fascinated with defining cultural reference points through the character’s use of swear words– “By the Goddess!” instead of “Oh my God!”, or like Scarlet is wont to proclaim, “Christ’s bones!” instead of “Jesus Christ!”. In the first example, we instantly know that we’re not in Kansas anymore. If it’s a modern religion, it would have to be possibly Greek or India, most likely from a polytheistic culture because (I believe), with the exception of Wicca recognizing “Mother Earth”, there are no sole goddess figures in the contemporary understanding of religion.

Which, on a side note, sucks.

In the second example, I was striving to show that Scarlet was definitely Christian, but Christian through a very plebeian experience. Peasants often flocked to churches that had saintly reliquaries, like their bones, and considered them personal talismans or sources of religious connection.

Anyway, language defines character. But working where I work, there’s a huuuge emphasis placed on atmosphere defining culture, especially the sensory experience dictating a cultural experience. It’s about total immersion, and defining the world around you not in a visual way, but in a sensory way.

Which, frankly, is damn literary. You can see why I love my job.

But I think that these two should be combining, coming together somehow, in my writing. It just lacks a concept. And of the two stories that I’m loosely working on, one is about the sensory experience of the water, but it’s not coming off right. Everything is hackneyed somehow. Something is just not gutsy or original. Something’s not working.

The other story is about this weird mystery involving jewelry, and I just don’t know how I could commit fully to it. Especially because it’s a contemporary story; I’m thinking maybe it shouldn’t be contemporary? Basically part of the story references WW2 Europe, but I am woefully unqualified/pretty uninterested in writing about that time. I don’t think I have anything to offer it.

Maybe not though. I mean, it certainly wouldn’t be like on the beaches at Normandy type stuff (that is WW2 right? I’m terrible with the WWs) but maybe it would be in some place that I haven’t considered yet. Some place the war skirted but didn’t fully lance through.

HMMMMMMM…….actually that might be kind of inspiring.

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Our Last Night Together as Frogs

By AC

Apr

I just watched THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG, which I was totally charmed by–especially how, as a 25 year old weaned on the Disney Princess stories, it definitely progressed from them and moved forward, acknowledging the importance of hard work and the balance of work/love.

But it’s not what I want to talk about, just why I titled the post that. Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about sustainability. I mean, yes, I care about the environment, recycle my bottles, turn off the water, blah blah blah, but I’m really concerned with sustainability in our everyday lives. I just started this new job where I’m working overnights, and my first thought when I took the job was: “This job sounds amazing. But how long can I work overnights without going crazy?”

And then it kind of resonated with me. It’s something that I’ve been thinking about in my writing, too: how long can I keep up this pace? This drive? Would getting published change anything about that? This is more of a serious question than aimless conjecture, because other than a few excursions in writing something just to be writing, I really haven’t started anything solid since I wrapped Scarlet four months ago. Four months without a serious project for me is like four months without a meal for me. And I like me some food.

I’m of two minds about it. For the first time in my life, I really trust my own creativity enough to know it will come when it wants to come, and when it does, there’s not a hell of a lot I can do to stop it. But at the same time, it makes me wonder. How long will the off switch last? How often will this happen in the future? What would I ever do with myself if I were to stop writing?

And is this a sign that I should somehow be trying harder? Working harder? I don’t know. I just can’t risk–or face–the idea of my writing being nonsustaining.

And what about jobs? I guess the question with both things is when you face something that’s faltering or not sustaining, do you let it run its natural course or do you fight like hell?

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Novels and Hopes

By AC

Apr

Okay, so I’ve been thinking more about getting my hopes up–thanks for the support Miss Ming!–and about writing, and how the two play into each other.

I’m in the middle (and trying, trying to draw it out) of CONSPIRACY OF KINGS by Megan Whalen Turner. Now, MWT is an absolute master of twisty plots–Eugenides, one of her main characters, is a master of sleight of hand, and the whole novel becomes something like an elaborate hoax on the reader. Which I LOVE, of course.

So I’m in the middle of a particularly rough part where I feel like the main character is about to get royally screwed over (literally, actually), and there’s this whine that is coming into my head like a devil on my shoulder: “come on, read faster, you KNOW it all works out in the end.”

And THERE’s the rub. I mean, on the one hand, I’m a writer and a total optimist for my characters. I’m going to put them through utter hell and torture (and that’s literally in the case of Scarlet–not the hell, but definitely the torture) but dammit, they are going to get their well deserved happily ever after.

In the young adult world, if you put up with total crap with pluck and a smile, you’ll earn yourself a happy ending. If you cave, you’re probably going to end up in an unhappy marriage or as a scullery maid or something.

Not that some scullery maids don’t go on to be happily ended heroines. Because they do. Check out THE LITTLE PRINCESS for reference.

But then again, the happy ending and triumph of that happy ending only works out because both the reader and the character believe it’s never going to happen.

So should I go with authorial instincts and convince myself that it’s going to work out in the end, no matter what obstacles I face?

Or should I go with reader and character instincts and get so deeply engrossed in the moment that I can’t even fathom how it’s going to work out–leaving me shocked or shattered depending on how it all unfolds?

Well, I’ll be honest, I’m more of a throes-of-the-moment kind of girl, mostly because it comes with highly saturated emotion, drama, and the occasional bout of total mope-age. I love a good mope.

So….that resolves nothing.

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Getting My Hopes Up

By AC

Apr

All my life, time and time again, I’ve gotten the impression that getting my hopes up isn’t a good thing. I mean, on the one hand, I want to say that I’m a bubbly, uberoptimistic kind of girl, and I am. But I also believe that the universe is bigger than me, and has a crazy plan, and I’m positive there is a plan beneath all the madness.

So, either the universe thinks I’m a complete jackass and that all my plans are meant to be undone, or getting your hopes up is the surest way to see that the complete opposite happens.

But how can that work? I mean, surely there are things that we want that we can actually achieve, right? Or more specifically, I would really appreciate it if there are things that I want that I can get. I do get my hopes up! Hope against hope, wish against wish, I always get my hopes up, and I just can’t quit it.

But everytime, I also worry that it’s instantly sabotaging myself.

Think of it like the Anti-Secret. You attract whatever you don’t expect and can’t possibly see coming. I mean, the troublesome thing is that part of me LOVES THAT. It’s the stuff you never see coming that feels magical, incredible, enlightening and thrilling. It’s that part that makes me feel like there is this universal plan, and I’m part of it and protected by it, that I make foolish or shortsighted plans for myself and eventually, I’m delighted to be proved wrong.

But somethings you just never want to pass you by. I want to be published, and I want to be published in a big way. I’m willing to wait for it, I’ve BEEN waiting for it, but I want to be a career novelist, and I want stupid things, like a decently working car that has been manufactured sometime less than the past thirteen years, like some steady money, like more things that I don’t want to admit I want because, well, that would be getting my hopes up.

Yeah.

Is this crazy? I feel a little crazy and superstitious sometimes, and a little overly concerned that my tiny little thought might effect my life in an overblown way. So let’s put it this way: this post is missing everything I don’t dare to hope for.

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Writing, Workshops and Gender

By AC

Mar

It's about time women ruled the roost!

Okay, as a light feminist and a attendee of two all girls schools, I’m generally pretty concerned with how women are represented. One of my favorite bones to pick is how women all like to complain that we don’t get the opportunities men do, but we also tend to tear each other down instead of wildly promoting each other (a la old boys clubs).

This weekend, however, I noticed something almost counter intuitive, and I want to muse. So, in the children’s writing field, the following are true:

1. Agent blogs I read comment that the vast majority of queries are from women. Kristin Nelson went so far as to say that men’s queries get more attention because they stand out, and that statistically speaking, there are less men looking for representation.

2. Statistically, in children’s lit, men win WAY more awards than women.

3. At conferences and retreats I’ve been to, the ratio is roughly 25:1 female:male.

What conclusions can we draw from this? The immediate thought that comes to mind after reading #1 and #3 is that men must not write as much children’s fiction as women do, but obviously #2 invalidates that. Men are in the game in a big, big way.

What else? Perhaps that women are more social creatures, more likely to gather at events than to write as solitary figures. This would surely explain #3, but not so much #1. #1 has nothing to do with the social nature of women and still represents a great divide.

Worryingly, I’ve developed another theory. Women in these conferences and retreats are unbelievably supportive, in a way that I’ve never known women to be, especially not at Mount Holyoke, where women were cutthroat, knowing that there was a limited number of spaces for their success in the world, and cutting down your competitor meant drawing closer to your goal.

This made me think of that cutthroat instinct. It’s not there in children’s writing, and while I think that’s partially because there’s a sense of kindred fun and imagination that isn’t conducive to backstabbing in children’s lit, I think it does suggest something else as well that intersected with another thought at the retreat:

I don’t think women take writing seriously.

I’m not kidding, either. A huge theme of the weekend was how ragged we get because people are always knocking writers down; “you should be watching the kids”, or “that’s not a real career”. We seek validation from many different sources, and when it’s not offered, we’re devastated. I think that’s because secretly, we don’t validate ourselves. You only need validation and permission if you don’t feel those things innately within yourself.

I think men and especially male writers trust themselves. They trust their calling, their vocation, their career.

Women don’t.

It’s like antiempowerment! Women are finding their voice only to lose their power and confidence. What the hell is that? For a long time I’ve thought that women need to spend more time writing so they can trust that inner voice and learn to develop what they want into what they need. But obviously this is only half the problem, and frankly, I don’t know how to validate women. I feel pretty validated–a little stagnant at the moment, because it just takes a while to get this tough career started, but I have always felt sure and serious that I will make a career of writing. I will make my passion my business. Period.

So what’s standing in the way, ladies? What can we do? What do we need to give ourselves permission to chase our dreams?

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Real Resources to Getting Rep’d

By AC

Mar

Alright, so I’ve been thinking about writing this post since I signed with an agent (HOLLA!) and have been talking with a friend about the road to getting representation. So, basically, without any dilly dally, here’s what I’ve found useful while I was seeking representation. FYI, I was looking for a literary agent that represents YA fiction across a variety of genres, and had a finished YA historical fiction manuscript of 55,000 words.

How much word count matters. Find out more about this here. The link includes info on non-YA writing as well.
Follow #askagent. Not kidding! This topic on Twitter is one of the most outrageously helpful things I’ve ever encountered in all the publishing-advice world. You also get to ask random questions in the vain hope that when an agent replies to you they will suddenly become deeply interested in you and offer you representation. NOT what happened to me, but I did follow up questions with queries and got interest.
Read agents’ blogs. My faves are Nathan Bransford (though it’s WAY popular so the comments are super overwhelming and I don’t even bother), and Kristin Nelson.
Back it up by reading MORE! Like reading about the editing side, such as Editorial Ass, Editorial Anonymous, and more about authors in your genre (for me this would include Enchanted Inkpot, Mitali Perkins, Angie Frazier, the Five Randoms and Sarah Rees Brennan)
And don’t forget the Agents themselves. For this, I use agentquery.com and then Google the crap out of them. This includes double checking Preditors and Editors, for starters.
Finally, remember that there are rules, but there are no rules. You are and you are absolutely not special. On the one hand, yes, you are one of thousands of blind queries in a large, faceless stack. But on the other hand, all these agents and editors say that when a manuscript works, it works, and when it speaks to them, they’ll move heaven and earth to get it published. So, yeah–there are rules, and there are no rules.

Honestly, a big part of me feels like it’s dumb luck that I ever got an agent, and an awesome one at that. Here’s hoping dumb luck carries me through a publishing contract, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll get to keep on writing!

Off to a writing retreat for the weekend. Not sure at ALL what I’m going to be working on yet, but we’ll see.

kiss kiss!

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And I’m back!

By AC

Mar

Okay, I’m still here, despite a faulty sense of blogging lately. Thing is, I’ve gotten so caught up! Since signing with aforementioned wonder agent, I’ve been doing some revisions on SCARLET that started teeny and built up to be a little more substantial, and I’ve been in a Panera blackout land for the past several days. Straight. WHOO!

And I have to say, I LOVE MY LIFE!!

Haha. Though revisions certainly aren’t the most organic and thrilling part of the creative process, it’s been feeling really amazing to WORK as a writer. I’ve never really had an issue with discipline (when it comes to writing, at least), but this feels more like it’s building to something greater–this work is actually helping the book move toward (dare I even think it after all this time?) a publishing contract. (KNOCK ON SOME SERIOUS WOOD!).

One way or another, I’m a happy bunny, and March has the potential to be a pretty intense month. Not only am I slated to start hearing about some jobs and fellowships, etc, for next year, but I’m going on the Vermont College Writing Retreat (and I’m on the writing track this time, so I’m so excited to have some time to devote to the Next Project–once I decide what that actually is) and have a whole month of crazy family stuff to boot. WHOO!

Hey, you know what, after months of feeling like my life was grinding to a halt, I’m pretty excited to ride the coasters again.

BRING IT ON!

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The Post I’ve Been DYING to Write

By AC

Feb

So I think everything is finalized and announcement ready: I have an agent.

YES!!!! YES!!!! I finally have an agent, something I’ve been passionately and continually submitting for (and getting supported and rejected) for YEARS. Three years, continuously. I dabbled before that, submitting and then hermiting myself and then coming back. Since I graduated from a Masters program in Creative Writing, I’ve been constantly submitting to agents with three different novels. First was the high fantasy novel that I worked on during grad school; the novel was well received but had no significant interest. Second was DIARY OF A TEENAGE MURDERESS, which was really well received; one agent was willing to undergo revisions with me, two more were really really interested, and two were actually still considering it.

Then came SCARLET, this strange little book that I wrote in three months like something was grabbing onto me. I did some very basic grammatical line edits to it, but nothing major. I started sending it out, and within three weeks, I had an agent.

That’s compared to the 14 months I spent shopping DIARY around, and the two years or so that I spent with the high fantasy.

YEAH. What’s that about?

I mean, SCARLET is different; it felt easy and fast to write, and everything just flowed; trusting my instincts or what have you. So in that sense, I think the manuscript is my best yet, so on the one hand, it makes sense for it to be snapped up so quickly. But to me, this all seems pretty magical right now.

Especially since my agent, Minju Chang of Bookstop Literary Agency (I’m sorry, did I just say I have an AGENT?!?!) was one of EIGHT agents that were considering the full manuscript. When she asked to represent me, it was just so incredibly exciting because it really feels like I’ve found an agent with the same amount of passion and enthusiasm (and happy-dancing) that I have for these books and this career.

Which all around is kind of…..WHOOOOOO!!!!!!

WHOO WHOO WHOOO WHOOOOOO!!!!

::off to happy dance some more:: Lucy Looooves to Happy Dance

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Writing Race

By AC

Jan

I’m a white girl. I’m from a white neighborhood that’s overwhelmingly Irish catholic, and I believe the first African American I ever met was a boy my brother knew when I was in sixth grade. He had a long commute to come to our school. For these reasons, I feel like I’m both overwhelmingly unqualified to write this post, and also part of the problem itself.

White washed covers concern me, an issue that’s been addressed all around the web lately first because of Justine Larbalestier’s LIAR, and more recently (and all the more shamefully because it was from the SAME publisher) Jaclyn Dolamore’s MAGIC UNDER GLASS. (Check out Pub Rants, Editorial Anonymous for more and better info)

But my question and quandry is a much more personal and less PC one. As a student in a creative writing Master’s degree, I got into a lively discussion with my Australian teacher, who felt like a burden had been placed on her to write about Australia’s aboriginal peoples, and yet for her to write it was seen as judgmental, hypocritical, and implying that those aboriginal peoples (of which she was not one) couldn’t write their own story.

I was also taught to write what you know, and it was something I didn’t agree with. My idea is more to write what captures you, to write about emotions and actions instead of scenes and tableaux.

So where does this all leave me? I don’t really feel like I have anything meaningful to contribute to multicultural literature, so should I just not be concerned with it? In my books so far I’ve written about people without describing their race or much of their looks; all I’ll describe, most often, is their hair, because I think it’s very expressive. So on the one hand, that doesn’t exclude anyone of any race, but it also doesn’t INCLUDE anyone either.

What is my responsibility here? As I start a new project, should I be more concerned with exploring and representing cultural issues and more importantly, culturally specific characters (no matter what they’re specific to)?

Honestly, I don’t know. It doesn’t seem like it’s authentic, but at the same time, it feels like it’s something that’s incredibly important to be not only concerned with, but acutely aware of. Honestly, I don’t know what the right answer is. Honestly, I don’t know what my responsibility is, or if its a total case of hubris to think I have some responsibility, or negligence that I don’t already know what it is.

Any input?

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My 8 Rules for Writing

By AC

Jan

You know, as I’m searching for my next project and thinking about how to develop as a writer, I realize that I have mental rules. Wanna hear them?

1. Make sure the girl kicks ass.

Hey, I’m pretty serious about this one. It doesn’t have to be physical ass kicking, but she has to be able to be vulnerable, strong, questioning and sure, because that’s what makes a woman kick ass. And that’s what I’m pretty adamant of passing on to the next generation.

2. Get some kissing in.

I write YA, so rarely does it go beyond kissing, but come on, romance is what makes everything a little more gut wrenchingly fun, right?? Hook it up for the good of mankind.

3. Never, ever end with a marriage.

It used to kill me that authors ended stories with a marriage. As far as a reader is concerned, the story is the character’s life. I mean, I want to feel like their life started before it and ends after it, but their conflict is over. Nothing in their life will be as difficult or as interesting as what has happened in the novel, so…wouldn’t that kind of suck for the marriage? And for a child of divorce, it makes the marriage seem too neat, too concrete, and too Disney–more girls need to think that they need to work at a marriage, that it will be the best part and the hardest part, not the other way around.

4. When it comes to girls, hair can give you some drama.

Seriously, nothing stuck in my mind more as a kid than the visions of girls shaking out their hair as part of a dramatic reveal, or fighting with their hair flying out around them, cutting off their hair to make themselves look like a boy or finally doing a fancy updo to reveal their inherent femininity. To this day I still wear my hair in buns with the hope of one day doing a dramatic shake out.

5. The more thieves, the better.

Honestly not even I can explain this one. I am hopelessly obsessed with thieves. I am so going to end up with a prison inmate one day because it is my genuine weakness, and no where do i love it more than fiction. The cockier and less morally minded the better, but fresh and original always take the cake, like Megan Whalen Turner’s unbelievable thief Eugenides. BEST EVER.

6. Don’t hold things back just for the sake of, uh, holding things back.

Not that I didn’t do this myself as a novice writer, and not that I can’t appreciate the sense of suspense, but as a reader, it’s swearworthy when the narrator is just like “oh, no, i’m THINKING about that, but I can’t TELL YOU because that would…er….well it would completely resolve the conflict, so i’m going to mysteriously allude to it and forget about it.” No. No, No No! No means no!

7. Don’t ever rest on your laurels.

Okay, not that I actually have any laurels yet, or ever did, but writing is a path, or a really deep pool for a swimmer with good breath. it’s something to be traveled, discovered, and plumbed. It’s not your favorite restaurant where you order the same thing every time because, well, you know what you like. Keep moving, experimenting, trying, and playing. Your body of work is your own personal competition, a gauntlet thrown down, a challenge to meet. Rock it! Don’t rest.

8. All that aside, make sure you get the gut.

I have a master’s degree in creative writing. I know what good writing looks like, aside from any subjectivity, and I know what cheap and tawdry prose is. But the thing about repetitive, cliched drivel like romance novels is that they still know how to tell a good story because they go for the cheap thrills. Cheap or well earned, I want to feel a visceral reaction at some point during a novel. A squirm, a gasp, a tear, a heart wrench, or, my very favorite, that twisty stomach drop when all your character’s worst insecurities are confirmed and confronted and you feel it. It’s the greatest, most physical kind of human connection that fiction can offer.

I think that’s it. I probably have more that I don’t know about yet, but that’s it for now.

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Scarlet’s on Authonomy

By AC

Jan

Okay, so for all of those people who don’t really get to read my work and would like to (especially to my facebook friends!) SCARLET, my newest novel, is up on Authonomy, a “virtual slush pile” run by Harper Collins–essentially it’s a popularity contest that could lead to an editor’s desk. Now, I’ve entered these sorts of things before and while I’m not too cocky about my ability to land on the editor’s desk, it is a chance to give other people a look at Scarlet. So I hope you like it, I’m madly in love with this quirky little novel.

Enjoy (description below), leave comments and tell your friends; who knows, maybe I’m popular enough!

Scarlet

AC Gaughen

History forgot that Will Scarlet, Robin Hood’s famous thief, is a girl. And that’s not the only secret she’s hiding.

Scarlet is a retelling of the Robin Hood legend from the point of view of Scarlet, a young thief from London that Robin’s brought into his small band of fighters. Her friends know the truth, but most of the townspeople don’t want to see that Scarlet isn’t the Will Scarlet that history will come to remember, but just Scarlet, a girl with scars and strange eyes that tries to stay as invisible as possible.

But Guy of Gisbourne, the thief taker from London that know’s Scarlet’s secrets, won’t let her stay invisible as he begins targeting the people of Nottinghamshire, trying to get to Robin Hood, the thief he’s been hired to hang. Scarlet has to decide how much the people of Nottinghamshire mean to her–not to mention how she feels about John Little, the brawny blacksmith that lost his family to the Sheriff’s cruelty, or Robin himself, a legend even in his own time.

It’s young adult novel of 55,000 words told in first person, offering a personal and completely unique perspective on one of history’s favorite stories.

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Moving On

By AC

Jan

It’s a new year, and a partially new me, and I’m still in elusive pursuit of the one thing that really matters right now: having a job that I can both be passionate about and that offers financial and general stability in my life. In this vein, I’m leaving my position with a local retail company–I love working with fashion (and REAL PEOPLE!!) but it’s just not stable enough right now. And that’s what I’ve been looking for all along. Hopefully it will also free me up and motivate me to really find what I’m looking for and can be satisfied with.

In related news, I’m really going to try to be better about blogging on here, I know I’ve been spotty the last few months. Getting away from my computer is good, but it also means the first thing to go is the blogging, and that’s not a good thing! Especially since I’m going to need all the creative outlets I can get as I start looking to my next project.

Which, actually, I think will be to finish up the delinquent Arianna. I like her better now having written Scarlet, who’s very ballsy as opposed to Arianna’s gentler/more unsure personality. But after that, should I go for fantasy? Back to contemporary? Onto something totally new?? WHO KNOWS?!!? If you have an opinion I’d love to hear it!

xxx

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Thoughts on Trilogies

By AC

Dec

I’ll admit, I started to mentally write this post when I was partway through CITY OF GLASS, Cassandra Clare’s third installment of the Mortal Instruments series. After I finished the book, my thoughts kind of changed, but I’ll go through it all anyway.

There seem to be three kinds of trilogies. One, where all three books are virtually standalone, and have a building background connection without being repetitive or stalled. Despite that it is a longer series, Harry Potter is a great example. Each book has it’s own problems and issues, and not every book has a major showdown with Voldemort, because there are other things to deal with.

The second kind is the try, try, succeed model. These trilogies are more common and often more disappointing, because they set up all the problems in the first novel, and the characters simply don’t succeed. They try again in the second (which tends to be very repetitive), and succeed in the third. This makes the second novel virtually a throwaway, the first exciting, and the third fantastic, but I hate the idea of a second novel that really serves no purpose other than to fill space and delay gratification.

The Mortal Instruments series was definitely the latter; the second novel was totally missable, mostly because the real central conflict between the characters was that at the end of the first book, *SPOILER*, was that the leads thought they were brother and sister, and not only did I not believe it AT ALL, but the characters didn’t even seem to believe it. It made me feel like flipping through pages until they realized they weren’t.

Really, I think that writers should make a strong effort to make every book virtually stand alone, with an extra sense of belonging to read the whole series. It seems like sloppy writing, and I hope I never find myself guilty of it.

However, both to Clare’s credit and to totally negate my previous statement, damn, was that finale worth it. CITY OF GLASS was a tremendous end to the series and a hell of a book, and it made the lack of believable conflict totally worth it.

So really, I don’t know what I think. Maybe it’s just that yes, storytelling is separate from WRITING and can often trump it, especially because I don’t really like the books where writing trumps storytelling (think literary fiction). In a trilogy, you can blunder and bluster your way through the first two books (not that I really think Clare did that, the brother/sister thing was my only complaint) and still rock all three if you have a compelling story. That’s how Stephanie Meyer got through.

Thoughts?

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Jinxes?

By AC

Dec

So something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately is “jinxing it”. Fall is always a potential-laden time for me; I send out applications, I tend to have better luck and a greater sense of excitement, and this fall is no different. I’ve been sending out applications for fellowships that I don’t want to talk to anyone about and I’ve been getting some positive responses from agents, but I’m not mentioning it to anyone (except, you know, on the blog…out on the web….).

So whats up with that? I have a few theories:

1. Older, Wiser, More Hesitant?

I look back, and a year ago I was getting the first serious interest from agents on Tarian, and I was over the moon, thinking it was going to be so fast and so easy and then it just dissolved (actually that one dissolved in the worst possible way, with the agent telling me over and over how excited he was about the novel, and then he said that he’d get in touch with me after the weekend, and the day before Christmas Eve he told me he was passing). And since then, I’ve worked with an agent on revisions, and she passed, and other agents have been almost there and passed. It’s gutwrenching to know how close you can get before they pass. It’s the worst part. So yes, I’m hesitant to put my emotion into it.

2. There’s a recession.

Which shouldn’t matter to luck, but it does, because like it or not, in a very visceral way we’ve all been reminded how things really might not work out. Luck seems to be turning sour a lot faster these days. Besides which, everyone else has tough luck, so a) it’s tough to believe you’ll have better luck, or b) that you should even be talking about it because it’s got an element of cruelty to it.

3. Superstition is back with a vengeance.

I don’t know whether its the cultural prevalence of supernatural elements being all over the place (vampires, werewolves) but I knock on wood, I beware black cats, I look for heads up pennies. And part of me remembers that whole, “don’t talk about it or it won’t come true” superstition.

So, if anyone has either magical charms to counteract jinxes, or words of wisdom to remind me how silly superstitions can be, I’d love to hear either.

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Writing without Freelance Writing

By AC

Nov

Okay, so I haven’t been blogging much, because frankly, I haven’t needed a break from the mental tedium that can often be freelance writing. I work at the retail shop, and then every time I sit down to my ultra fabulous new computer, I have only two tasks: harvest my crops in Farmville, and write.

Add to this new found singularity of purpose the Mac program Scrivener has been affording me–I’m not an outliner, like at all, and suddenly when I get stuck I work it out on a the Scratch Pad and then make a few notes on the Outliner, and then I run on my merry writing way. Crazy, right?

I’ve literally written 8 chapters (at roughly 3200 wds per chapter)(which means 25,600 wds total so far) in six weeks. SIX WEEKS!! Let’s just hope I can keep this going.

It’s so funny, this time last year I was wrapped up in Tarian and blasting through it at almost the same rate. I had a completely single minded purpose then; its when I was living on my own in Scotland and loving it and struggling with it and not cutting it financially. I wonder if I have to be poor to be a good writer?

Whatever it is, whether or not it’s the circumstances that contribute to the writing or whether it’s latching on to stories and characters that really speak to me, I’m just happy that it’s working and that it feels this good. Because God, despite the fact that I really miss St Andrews and everyone in it at Thanksgiving (we had these Thanksgiving feasts with fifteen people that made me feel like, because I could coordinate and cook a meal like that with my friends, I was a success as an adult–aside from the inestimable pleasure of having a really good meal with so many friends) when my writing is good, I feel good–unbelievably good.

However, I guess this week, with the Black Friday sales and all the fall out surrounding it, will be the real test of how I like retail. We’ll see!!

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Because It Has To

By AC

Nov

True story. I went to an author’s event at the local middle school with Anthony Horowitz, who I’ve long idolized as a really awesome writer who is writing some of the most exciting and dynamic books for young adults (in theory, young boys, but whatevs) on the market today. Akin to Meg Cabot, his stuff is just exciting. Forget technical excellence, great creativity, and dollars made, at the end of the day great authors just thrill you.

That aside, I went to hear him speak and maybe–just maybe!–get a chance to talk to him and geek out a bit. I’ve loved the Alex Rider series all the time I was in Scotland, and I waited in line (okay, so I waited to be LAST in line so I could have a second) to tell him just that. I told him I had been studying writing and was an aspiring novelist. And he looked up at me and was totally earnest and told me that the only difference between the published authors and the unpublished ones was that the published ones never quit.

Okay, I’ve heard that before. Not earth shattering news.

But then he looked me straight in the eye and told me that if I stick with it, never quit, it will happen. “Because it has to.”

I kid you not, I teared up a little, thanked him for his time and walked away, clutching my signed copies. Because that easily, that simply, he reminded me that writing seems like this crazy game where agents and publishers are tugging on the strings of your life like a cat’s cradle and you have absolutely no control, but it’s not about that. It was never about that.

Writing is about writing, about passion, about believing in yourself and helping other people believe in their own passions. Being published isn’t the end game. It isn’t even part of the game; it’s a symptom of this greater, wild disease, but it’s not the heart of the infection.

When did I lose sight of that? Of course I want to be published, but to be honest, I’m living my dream. I’m writing every day and challenging myself every day, and I’m lying to myself if I think that working a crappy job or too many hours is some how restricting that. Seriously? I write 10-15 thousand words a month in my novels. This is the dream. And the rest will work out–because it has to.

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Leads, Apps, Work, Time

By AC

Nov

This is the theme song of my life, the rapid repetition of those four words in my head. Let me explain. PB290095

Leads

So, my work with TownMe will be ending this week (amicably, hopefully with more work in the New Year) and with the absense of that income there is a void in my life that another freelancing job should hopefully fill. However, a) the lead boards have looked a little dry as of late and b) I don’t really want JUST ANY freelancing job. I want to be writing for magazines. The pay is better, the work is better, and the publishing credit is way, way better. I just need to get over the initial barrier, start writing some pieces on spec and sending them out along side queries for more substantial work. I want to crack this one!

Apps

I’m going to be applying for the Provincetown Writing Residency this year at the Fine Arts Work Center in Provincetown, and the application is due December 1st. Everything’s all set, except for the decision of which story I’m going to submit. Do I submit the first thirty pages of Arianna, a work that is ambitious but may not ever have the follow through to become a novel? Do I submit Tarian (aka Diary of a Teenage Murderess) which is a little slicker and much more polished than anything else in my arsenal, but currently has the unfortunate feeling that it might never get sold? Or do I submit Scarlet, the Robin Hood story that’s been under wraps but is my current baby and takes a lot more risks than older works when it comes to voice and character (and is admittedly the least polished and so far, no one but me has laid eyes on it)? EEK!!

Work

With TownMe ending and my job at a retail store starting to pick up more hours, I don’t know if I’m going to feel more distracted or more present when I end up sitting down at my computer, because I’m going to need that time to put in the upfront work for magazine research and also to work on Scarlet. I don’t know how to anticipate that either. Also, as the type of place that likes to call you last minute to work, how much time should I be working and how much time should I guard preciously as my own?

Time

Time is, of course, what it all boils down to. Oh, and money, which, speaking of, I just got hit with an unexpected bill from the surgery. I have to sign up for my own health insurance in December and it’s all such a complex mystery to me. ::sigh:: One more thing to tackle. Who has the time?

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On Women, Writing, and My Unadulterated Goals

By AC

Nov

Taken on my recent trip to Chicago

Okay, so first off, I read this post today on hating female characters, and I think it’s totally true. Female characters–kind of like regular females–are judged more harshly in literature than their male counterparts. However, I don’t think this is a phenomenon limited to literature–the post mentions Harry Potter, and hints that if Harry were Harriet, uber popular, everyone falling over themselves for her, literally Chosen, wouldn’t she be obnoxious? I mean, even Buffy had to be a social outcast. And I think it’s true, but I think the culprit here is women, not men.

Women have a shameful tendency to tear each other down in an effort to make themselves secure (while men tend to use more of a dominance heirarchy to determine who is superior–think the whole alpha male complex). Two turns through all girls schools taught me this with a vengeance: Women often fear successful women. They mentioned this on my new favorite show “The Good Wife” in its pilot episode, introducing the CEO with her saying how women don’t have the luxury of being nice (or something to that effect).

The real question is, does the issue stop or start with literature? Personally, I’m going to vote that it STOPS there, and I applaud Justine’s effort to push through sterotypical characters. I think not only does it make for great storytelling, but it also helps us break down the neat little boxes of social identity.

On a totally different note, I really want to write (maybe only for myself) my goals. Inspired by this post, and also kind of by my whole, “Hell! Let’s be POSITIVE!” attitude (and it also overlaps my new post on Adventures of a Lap Bandit, but it’s not up yet), I want to be honest.

Oh, and it’s also my 25th birthday today (well I’m writing this the night before my birthday, but it will post on my birthday). So is there a better time for goal setting? No. Here we go.

I’ve been totally lying. It’s true, right now I’d be grateful for a foot in the door, a place to start, a contract with either an agent or a publisher. I understand that it’s a long process and I’m fully ok with that–I’m a long haul kind of girl anyway.

However, I keep saying, to myself and others, I’d be happy to just support myself writing, just manage, just make it. LIES. That’s not what I want at all.

First, I want a chance. I just want to get in there. Because you can damn well be sure that once I’m in there, I will do absolutely everything in my power to both elevate my writing for each new book and promote my books like a crazy person. I am ambitious, I am smart, I am incredibly driven, and there is no reason I shouldn’t be able to have my second goal with a lot of hard work and a touch of gumption.

Second, I want to be wildly, incredibly, inspiringly successful. I’m not afraid to work hard for it, but I’m not a “rest on my laurels” kind of girl. Whether it takes me one book or ten, I want to be a career novelist, a household name, a bestseller, and an innovator in writing. I don’t want to “just” be able to support myself. I want to not worry about money, buy my mom a house, and have a self-sustaining income without ever having a guy in the picture (add one in later, if necessary, but I don’t think it’s ever a smart idea to be financially reliant on someone else, friend, family, or spouse). I want to absolutely kill it.

Third, I want to do this for the rest of my life. I have a billion ideas, two hundred notebooks that I’ve spent the past 15 years scribbling in, and I’ve wanted this since I was thirteen. I think language is the most interesting and complex of human communication and I want to spend my life as a devotee of it. I want to teach young girls to share their voice the way I was taught, I want to help young people see the value in books that I’ve always seen.

And you know what, I’m not ashamed, I’m not shy, I’m not holding it back at all. That’s what I want. Now, like Elle Woods, watch me go and get it.

Guess I’ll check back next year…

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